a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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