Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
