dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
