I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
