It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
