so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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