If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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