can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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