You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
