And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
