Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
