i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
