I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
