didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
