those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
