You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
