I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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