Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
