Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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