theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
