billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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