# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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