I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
its liver damage thursday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
