he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
