oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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