she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
