I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
