mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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