I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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