Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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