I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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