you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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