Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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