I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
