nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
