My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
