I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
