You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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