Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
