he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
