maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
