Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
