All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
