my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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