The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
