how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
