just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
