Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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