She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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