You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
