my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
