We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
