We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
